I have a really hot waiter.Guys he came back with my food and said, “Careful the plate is hot too.” So I asked, “too?” and hE TOUCHED MY SHOULDER THEN MADE A SIZZLING NOISE.IM FREAKING OUT WHAT DO I DO.
wanna know what these all say?
"suck his dick"
When she’s babbling on about something. When you’re arguing. When you see her. When you’re with her. When you’re with your friends. When she cries. When shes happy. When she does something you love. After you ask her out. After she says she loves you. After you just kissed her. Before you leave. My point is, whenever you get the chance to kiss her, kiss her. It makes her feel loved.
if you kiss me when we’re arguing i will punch you straight in the fucking jaw
We Can’t Get Out Of The Bedroom Now.
Shirley Maclaine on Parkinson in 1975
This woman is amazing.
most private thing im willing to admit: im not good at estimating how much pasta is enough for one person
there’s a tool for that
I’m sorry, does that scale progress from a child to a HORSE?
It’s so bronies can measure their pocket spaghetti.
IM SO HUNGRY I CAN EAT A HORSE
the worst thing about tumblr is that you read all those pro feminist/anti rape/anti misogyny posts all the time everyday and then you actually go outside and talk to a random guy and it feels like being punched in the face with a chair